calum: *gets blonde streak*
[phone starts ringing, calum answers call]
zayn: how my dick taste
2015 fashion week harry is going to be so painful with his long hair flowing down on one of his new fancy coats I’m not strong enough for this
job interviewer: so…tell me a little about yourself :)
me: sure. i’m a virgo, INTJ, i love tank tops oh my god did you see the Anaconda video? that changed my life!
interviewer: bitch me too! the fuck. you got the job